New pics

Landon - always busy doing something. Tupperware and spoons are two of his favorite things.

Shiloh & mom - daddy's gone and Landon's sleeping.

Shiloh - sporting her green cast! =) She's gotten pretty good using only one hand!

The Barbarian Way

I've already read this book twice ... but just can't help thumbing through it again. It truly challenges me to live and see life differently. It makes me feel passionately and fully alive!

"The civilized build shelters and invite God to stay with them; barbarians move with God wherever He chooses to go. The civilized Christian has a routine; the barbarian disciple has a mission. The civilized believer knows the letter of the law; the barbarian disciple lives the spirit of the law. The religiously civilized love tradition; the barbarian spirit loves challenges. The civilized are satisified with ritual; barbarians live and thrive in the mystical. For the civilized disciple, religion provides stability and certainity; for the barbarian, a life in God is one of risk and mystery.

And maybe even a little insanity. There's no way to escape that barbarians can appear out of their minds. No reasonable person would ever fully follow God everywhere He calls. God is simply unreasonable."

I pray that I always live in the mystical ... live a life of risk and mystery ... and appear out of control to all those around me!

It's a small world!

My world is indeed a small world. It doesn't take much for me to become completely absorbed within the walls of this house. Steve and the kids ... cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping ... changing diapers, laundry ... need I say more? Sometimes I forget just how BIG the world is!!! There are days I venture out from this house - my circle of friends give a truly great perspective that I sometime lose. Then there are days I go to Denver - and as I'm sitting in a parking lot of stop-and-go traffic - I'm struck once again by the sheer number of people who live just "up the road from me".

I don't know what I was suspecting when we went to Phoenix, but there were TONS of people! It seemed that everywhere we went, regardless of the time of day, we were in traffic - and lots of it! Denver is 2 million people! C springs is a 1/2 million. I was told Phoenix is nearly 4 million. That's more than Denver and C springs combined!

It's just a good perspective check to see all those people! Tons and tons of people! On the days that I'm home, feeling trapped and all alone I need to remember - I'm really not alone. And someone, somewhere has gone through what I'm going through. Someone can relate to my joys and pains.

Besides, seeing all those people makes me think about heaven ... God ... and His intense love for mankind. There are so many people out there ... so many who need to be reached! As I sit and people watch, I always wonder how many know Jesus personally. How many have lives far more messy than mine. It makes me grateful to have the life I do. I love my life. Can I just say that?? ... I love my life! Goodnight!

Home again, home again, jiggity jigg.

Oh we had a glorious time! Phoenix in March ... 85 degrees, shorts, tank tops... not bad ... but I still wouldn't want to live there. I'll take winter with the snow anyday over summers in Phoenix. Steve and I consumed large amounts of baseball ... and starbucks! We stayed with some dear friends, the pastor who married us and his wife. They truly are a God-send in our lives. We laughed and cried ... and were even challenged on some things. Baseball was great, but without the times we had with Brad and Debbie ... it would have been plain 'ole baseball.

Home again ... all 4 of us are fighting off colds and Shiloh got a strained muscle in her wrist while wrestling with daddy ... which was a trip to the doctor (as we though her wrist was broken) and a cast for 2 weeks. Will post a photo soon. "Boy put on green cast, mommy," she tells me. She's definately milking this one for all it's worth.

Why is it that after a vacation, I come home tired and need time to recover from my vacation? But of course, that's not an option. So, I plunge in head first. But oh the joy to see my kiddos after 5 days. The love is just oozing.... hope it stays that way for awhile! =)

Fun ... Sun ... and Baseball!

Steve and I are getting away for a few days! This is the first time we will both be going out of state without our kiddos. Steve has often dreamed of going to Arizona in March to watch spring training baseball. So, we're going tomorrow ... to consume many hours of watching baseball, while basking in the hot Arizona sun! 4 1/2 days away from the kids ... just me and my sweetie. Don't think I'll quite know what to do with myself... no I think I will! =)

Meanwhile, I'm frantic to get packed and ready to take the kids to Steve's brother's house. But of course, I have to leave you with a quote. I'm thoroughly enjoying Heschel's book... just about 1/2 way through now. He really has caused me to reflect on my relationship with God and my faith in Him. That's why I've enjoyed it so much. I don't often think about how I relate to God, but I have been challenged to do so through this book. So I quote,

"God is of no importance unless He is of supreme importance. We cannot leave it uncertain whether or not there is a living God who is concerned with the integrity of man. We cannot leave it uncertain whether or not we know what He requires of us. The answer to these questions cannot be found off-hand. According to Maimonides (?), "It is well known and quite evident that the love of God cannot strike deep root in the heart of man unless it occupies his mind constantly so that nothing in the world matters to him but this love of God." What applies to the love of God applies to some degree to faith in God.

Faith is not the same as belief, not the same as the attitude of regarding something as true. When the people of Israel worshiped golden calf, forty days after Sinai, their belief in the event was surely present. Faith is an act of the whole person, of mind, will and heart. Faith is sensitivity, understanding, engagement, and attachment; not something achieved once and for all, but an attitude one may gain and lose."

Wintertime blues

Ok, mistake made - I got on the scale. Two babies in two years, need I say more?! Losing weight gets harder as I get older! I don't think I'm making this up either! Back in the day, I could eat whatever I wanted and not worry about it. Nevermind, I wasn't much of a junk food junkie. It was easy for me to say away from that stuff. But I've developed a love for foods that are bad for me. So, I eat food I shouldn't and I don't exercise enough to compensate!

Why is it that everything that's good for me is so hard to do!?!?!? Eating right, working out ...
I won't even mention the spiritual side of this problem, as there's alot I could say there. So, I'll just camp on this physical problem. And it's still snowing ... and has been since yesterday afternoon. Maybe I should be thankful for that, as I can't wear shorts anyhow. I can hide my body under layers of warm clothes! =)

Here's to spring ... and to my zealous ambition to shed a few pounds. Anyone else want to join me? I could use a work out buddy to hold me accountable.

"If you take your glasses off, you won't see the food on the floor!"

I won't deny my chronic problem of perfectionism. But I don't consider it perfectionism when there is food on my floor, I see it and I feel compelled to pick up. However, my wonderful husband would disagree with my denial of perfectionism. He doesn't see the food that I see on the floor. He attributes it to the fact that he doesn't typically wear his glasses, so he can't see it. Which is why it's easy for him to walk over it and not pick it up.

"Why don't you take your glasses off too, then you won't see the food", he exclaimes!

This could be a source of conflict ... but I think he may have a point. And usually, he's right about these things. So, I consider what he says. Maybe I do need to take my glasses off once in awhile. Not only would I miss seeing food on the floor, but I'd probably relax a bit more b/c I don't see it. =)

Being the introspective one that I am, I figure this advice applies to my life on a larger scale too. Sometimes I see things far too clearly. I need to take off my glasses and let life be a bit more blurry. I could use a bit more blur in my world.

Lesson learned at Starbucks ???

Sitting at Starbucks a few days ago – I overheard a conversation the worker-bees were having. One of the girls was newly married, within the last year. Her co-worker asked her how she knew that she wanted to marry her husband. Her explanation has stuck with me this week. She explained…

She had lived with other guys in the past, all of whom drove her crazy for various reasons. Be it the way they cleaned or didn’t clean, made the bed, squeezed the toothpaste tube … something got on her nerves. While living with her husband before they married, she realized that he was the first guy who didn’t drive her crazy. He didn’t have any “quirks” that got under her skin. So, she decided she could indeed marry him and continue living with him.

Sad… sad … sad… but isn’t this a common criteria for so many people out there?

Had I based my marriage partner choice on whether or not his “quirks” bothered me … I don’t know that Steve and I would have married. =) And yet, he is - by far - unquestionably perfect for me!

I’m just glad we, as Christ followers, have a better filter through which to make such a major decision… and so many other decisions. If I allowed “quirks” to be the criteria by which I should do or not do something, I just might become a hermit, curl up under my sheets and stay there forever and always! Amen!

Worth it all!

My beautiful babies!

Nevermind the difficult times, the runny noses, messy diapers, food on the floor, toys all over my house ...

in the end, it is a sheer joy to be a mom!!!

Search your heart

This quote is enough to make me get down on my knees and truly search my heart! Sometimes, I just "go through the motions" with God. Sometimes I miss connecting with him - and experience dry and desert-like times. Truly pressing in to Him and catching a glimpse of who He - a brief moment to hear His heartbeat ... it's that for which I long.

"Religious thinking, believing, feeling are among the most deceptive activities of the human spirit. We often assume it is God we believe in, but in reality it may be a symbol of personal interests that we dwell upon. We may assume that we feel drawn to God, but in reality it may be a power within the world that is the object of our adoration. We may assume it is God we care for, but it may be our own ego we are concerned with. To examine our religious existence is, therefore, a task to be performed constantly." Abraham Heschel - God in Search of Man

Just ONE hot cup of coffee!!?!?

I have come to discover that on the days I get up before my kids and am able to sit down long enough to drink one HOT cup of coffee ... my day goes better. Something about that time which allows me to wake up a bit ... and have a quiet time. Without that time, I'm a bear! Yes, it's true. Not the most pleasant person to be around. You can just ask my husband. Today is a prime example of that very scenario. Not pretty.

So, lesson learned - get up early enough to let the aromas of my cup of coffee stimulate my brain ... and my heart ... and we'll all have a better day.

A weekend without Steve

Why is it that when Steve goes away, it seems that parenting is more than twice the work? Even more than five times the work? I decided to spend the day with my sister - just to make Steve's absence more bearable. So, while I'm packing up, I put the kiddos in the living room to play. I return to find Landon in his bedroom, having opened his diaper drawer... and thoroughly enjoyed himself throwing every diaper all over the room - an entire package (50+)! Shiloh decided it would be fun to take off her shoes, socks, pants AND diaper! She is thrilled with herself that she now knows how to take off her clothes. She hasn't attempted to learn how to put them on, I might add. I typically might have laughed, but today I just didn't find any of it funny. Afterall, we were already 45 minutes late. It always seems to work that way, doesn't it? I let my frustration get the better of me. And I am yet again faced with my control issue - wanting everything to go just right and run smoothly. I'm kidding myself. I've only been a mom for 2 1/2 years now, but I should know this. Yet I continue to set myself up for frustration and disappointment when I expect things to go smoothly. Thankfully, I am encouraged, as I know, "there is nothing new under the sun" - and you moms reading this are probably smiling b/c you can relate! I'd love to hear your stories!

God in Search of Man

I picked up a new book - God in Search of Man, a Philosophy of Judiasm by Abraham J. Heschel. Rob Bell, the author of Velvet Elvis (awesome, if you haven't read it!), has a favorite book list. So, I've been attempting to read some of the books on his list. This is the latest one I picked up at the library - but I've only just started it.

His opening paragraph was powerful, so I thought I'd just share that here with you.

"When faith is completey replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion - its message becomes meaningless."

Need I say more?

Took Shiloh to a tea at Glen Eyrie -
"only girls, no boys", Shiloh said all day.
Two grandmas, two aunts, two cousins,
me and my girl. It was a beautiful,
65 degree day. We had so much fun!

...And today it's snowing!

Control - a personal issue

Steve and I went to a "Parenting with love and logic" conference in February. Foster Cline was the key note speaker. He was a funny guy and quite interesting to listen to. He had great stories and had me in stitches. But he's not a type-A like myself, so it was hard for me to take notes. I have since decided to get his book from the library.

Went to Starbucks this afternoon with intentions to work on my Bible study and read some of Francis Schaeffers works. I never made it that far, as I got sucked into Foster's book. I am challenged by his book and truly convicted in my parenting style (or lack thereof).

He spoke on the issue of control - an issue with which I myself struggle. Control freak? Who me?? I'd rather call it perfectionism. BUT no, it's a control issue. I like to have everything in place, in it's proper order. Since having kids... nothing seems to be in it's place, ever! Learning to let go of control - whether it's the mess in my house or my ability to control my kids and what they do or don't do - is a steep learning curve. One I have to embrace - or I'm liable to put myself in a psyche ward! =) Learning to let go of controling everything that my kids do and everything that happens to them isn't easy. But letting their mistakes be opportunities for them to learn is just what I need to do. I truly need to lay this issue at the feet of Jesus. Pray for me!

Critical Thinking is a Gift!

Recently, I've been struck with the value of critical thinking. It is truly a gift - one that some of us were given in our childhood and one that others of us have to seek in adulthood.

The past few months, my little girl, who is nearly 3 years old, has taken to copying everything I say and do. If I go downstairs, she wants to go downstairs. If I lay down on the floor, she lays down next to me. If I show frustration with her, she shows frustration with me. Not to mention the words that she repeats. Today - it's 65 degrees - absolutely beautiful for March in Colorado. We went outside to play in the backyard ... "oh, it's so nice!", I declared. "oh, it so nite", she repeated after me. This little thing of copying has caused me to think that not only will my little girl grow up acting just like me ... but she will also most likely think like me.

It's a privilege I can raise this little one to be a Christ follower - wholeheartidly devoted to His leading. I pray that her passion for the Word will run deep. However, I don't want her to believe the Bible to say what I tell her it says. I want to teach her to think critically, searching the Scriptures on her own ... seeking God on her own.

So many of us take what our pastors, teachers, parents and friends say about the Bible to be truth. We take their interpretation to be Scripture. When in reality, they are just as fallen as I and they bring their own preconceived ideas to the text.

I pray that God will give me a greater gift of critical thinking, one that I can pass on to my children. Within the gift of critical thinking, I pray for a deep hunger to know His Word and for a devotion to be actively studying for the rest of my life here on this earth.

My Family

Focus on the Family, the kids favorite play place!

Bachelors or Masters in Parenting???

A good friend of mine pointed out just the other day that noone has ever gone to school to be a parent. You get pregnant and 9 short months later, you're a mom or a dad. No other career field is like this. Engineers, doctors, accountants, teachers ... even professions like hairdressers and bus drivers. No wonder the learning curve of parenting is so high! It's not just a hill to climb, but a 14er!
I find this to be more and more true as my kids get older and I'm faced with a whole new set of issues I have to deal with and discipline, if you will. I make so many mistakes. I pour myself into books - trying to learn from others who have gone before me. And even 2 weeks ago, Steve and I went to a parenting conference. Afterall, there is nothing new under the sun. Why shouldn't I learn from those who have gone before me. More than likely, they have made the same mistakes that I will. I just wish I had gone to school first and maybe even earned my PhD in Parenting!
Parenting is truly an act of worship unto God, as I am refined in my character through my mistakes. I long to be more and more like Him as I seek to love my children and raise them the best I know how.

Nothing new under the sun

"What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun."
Ecclesiastes 1:9

I love this verse! It's such a good reminder that no matter what I do, think or say ... I'm not the first or the last. I may not always be the best wife, friend or mom, but others have gone before me and made the same mistakes I have and will make. I may have great success and find joy in my circumstances, but I'm not the first. It's a comfort to me that I'm not alone. Someone, somewhere can relate to exactly what I'm going through, whatever it may be. Naturally, it doesn't excuse my mistakes or give me any "rights", but it keeps me vulnerable. Why not? I have nothing to lose. Not everyone will relate to my pain or mistakes, but someone will. I am never alone in my joy or in my pain! And the more vulnerable I am, the more I am made aware of just that!